Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
Now, I really wanted to avoid this... I really really didn't want to tell you this. But, this disorder is within my maternal genetics. It exhibits itself in my mother and my aunt. DON'T WORRY, I'm fine, you're fine, everybody is fine, we're fine. This disorder only shows itself within the level between perceptual filter bypass and complete cognitive bottom out other people tell you how you're supposed to construct your ego. People smart enough to realize they get to cling to it but not smart enough to realize that it don't make no sense. No, humour, you're left with no choice but to cling to it. No that doesn't make it okay. There is no incidental value within this genetic coding, this is pure genetic error. I've never had any moment in my life struggling with this genetic disorder, it has never presented itself. NO. No I am not keeping secrets from you. NO I AM NOT KEEPING SECRETS FROM MYSELF.
NO MY ENTIRE KNOWLEDGE OF THE SELF IS NOT BASED IN ME BEING IN MY OWN LITTLE SOLIPSISTIC DREAM WORLD. This genetic disorder tells you that the world belongs to you, this is all yours this is all here for you. People are to conform to your wishes, however generally you understand everyone is just so foolish as to reject the monarch of our universe, and so you let it leak out passive aggressively and you're automatically infuriated that you seem to be the only person who understands what's happening here. It's just a comfortable fit, nobody argues with it so you would obviously never notice, it just sits quietly in the background it's painfully obvious that you are the centre of the universe so nobody needs to bother thinking about it. Sometimes people will snap on it and project on everybody that all of you just think the world belongs to you doesn't it... Hehe. It belongs to ME.
People are to conform to my wishes, but, I don't really care about it or anything you do whatever you want. You want to conform to my wishes. It's not like I use this power to make people cook me dinner or bring me the TV remote or anything.
Your brain automatically knows that you are to enter into a competition with every sibling in your family who exhibits this condition over who is a better person. It can go to surreal places like if you get close to my sister I know she's going to confide in you and ask you who is a better person, and you are to explain why it is me. It didn't happen, but, I imagine with this disorder this becomes fulfilled quite often.
This appears to be the only way to magically create your own perceptual filters. This is the only way to teach yourself how to look at the world. Sometimes it will happen outside of this disorder, however this appears to really be the only place where we can say... You are your own self teacher, you're instructing yourself how to look at the world.
You often think "Oh I would just love to put this man in his place with my logic, but saying this one would reveal my horrible dementia" then you get about a quarter second flash of "That YOoouu are fully aware of." then it flies deep into your compartmentalization where it will only ever haunt you subconsciously, every now and then touching your semi-conscious, the memory of you thinking it is semi-repressed.
It creates a lot of self serving off-communication. "None of us in this house are assholes." "I don't think you can speak for the family on this one." "Are you SAYING that I am UNQUALIFIED to KNOW?" I-it-uh... It... Ah. I don't even know why I've ever attempted to engage with this thing. Hair trigger sensitive. Even I don't catch every potentiality before I speak. "Comedy." "Oh, haha."
It will do things like... Somebody is planning a minor favour for a person, or just a consideration, sometimes just "It makes more sense if we operate under this minor consideration for this person." And the subject will approach the conversation with outrage it's so obvious I'm building a passive aggressive bank of hatred at this person that nobody would ever be aware of because it makes me operate the same on this person as any other person. Even if it's just things run smoother with this consideration for both parties, it's outrageous that we would ever offer this person a consideration. This outrage is delivered to the other person as though this is a not well thought out illogical plan of action.
It can be very dangerous to animals. When one of my older cats was starting to go a little retard psychotic and start marking his territory with fecal matter in the house, she adopted the stance of we are putting him down, I refuse to be the bad guy on this, this is the only solution. It basically turned into an argument of "I am killing your cat, okay? Stop being so evil to me in refusing my killing of your cat. You're always like this." We were eventually able to establish a little closed in area and letting him explore the basement when we're in the basement, he was able to live out his last few years reasonably okay. It was really tricky for me and my father to bring her to a reasonable solution, she was very invested in killing this cat, we basically landed on we'll see if this works we'll see if we'll be allowed to keep our cat. It... Even finding some other person who's willing to deal with this would be a better solution than murdering the source of your problems.
She'd become annoyed at me for not using the microwave. She was giving me an explanation on how to read the instructions on the bag of how to microwave the frozen broccoli, I tell her I don't like using the microwave for these things I'm just going to boil them, she's just in her own little world of assuming the noises I am making are an expression of confusion on how to follow through with microwaving the broccoli, after about a minute of explaining I try again, I prefer boiling the broccoli. She gives me an annoyed dismissive "Alright!" We were having an argument about her wanting this chicken now, she's cooking this raw chicken in the microwave. I made some kind of cute "I don't think you're supposta..." comment and said I'm gonna just cook mine on the stove. This argument went on and on and on, I had nothing more to say about her cooking raw chicken in the microwave than "Alright then go for it." but she was incredibly insistent that I give up on my ridiculous idea of cooking this raw chicken on the stove when obviously the microwave is so much quicker what the fuck is wrong with you YES YOU CAN, Yes. You. Can. You can cook raw chicken in the microwave it's perfectly fine. I could tell within her, that she was trying not to let leak out, was a screeching ball of fury. It was basically ten minutes of "I don't need it now, though, I like food better cooked than microwaved." "But YOU CAN. Though. You can have it NOW. You could easily have it RIGHT NOW. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?"
It seems it might be easy enough to solve this disorder if we feed them enough dangerous information and make them want it.
When developing a hearing problem, the subject will develop philosophies such as nobody who builds restaurants is a kind caring considerate person, they have no idea how much hardship they're creating for one in eight hundred thousand people people like me, it's so evil, they need to build the restaurants in a manner that people with my condition cannot hear the other people in the restaurants talking, it's too much talking. You cannot let a freezer drawer twink against the back of the freezer when you close it or else incur an angry "JESUS!!!!" under the air of you so obviously automatically know you are to drive yourself into the depths of shame over disrupting the queen of our reality. DO NOT DARE drop a plate, dropping a plate is the most evil thing you could ever do, you need to STOP. You need to STOP. I'll never understand why people think I like the sound of dropping plates no I DO NOT like the sound of dropping plates no I don't know what's wrong with you people. Everybody needs to do a better job of figuring out how to not drop their plates. You don't see me being annoyed when I drop plates. Figure it out. However, the subject is of course free to establish her daily ritual of her blended beverages that require her to turn the fucking thing off and on and off and on and off and on at the most hilarious of off timings if watching from the perspective of the annoyed. Obsessed. Obsessed. Obsessed. I can't really be certain this has become liquid until about twenty minutes after it is liquid. Obsessed with vacuuming over the same spot over and over and over and over and over and over, do the entire house, go back over the same spots over and over and over and over and over, do the entire house, go back over the same spots over and over and over and over, do the entire house, go back over the same spots over and over and over and over and over. Okay it's over she's done, it's been quiet for six minutes... VRREOOOOOOEEERRR. Okay. Okay. She's been done for an hour and a half. ... VRREOOOOOOEEERRR. Give her the option of using central vac all she'll do is whine about what a hardship outside of her has delivered her, making sure everybody watches her struggle, near tears, gasping, at having to move the big hose around the house. Vacuum when you know your son is sleeping, now I'm not saying I expect the world to conform to my sleep schedule, but, the entire concept of consideration is entirely bypassed. Ram the vacuum right up against his door over and over and over and over. In the morning, always ask "Did I wake you up with my vacuuming?" I obviously know full well she's leading me into a trap, this one is incredibly complicated, I've learned the correct response is a cute and non caring "Yes." And the response to this is "Oh, well, I like vacuuming in the mornings." Again and again, she has it planned, she knows the counter to my pure evil seeing her do this, it's all prepared, but, I can get out of it.
And of course the lightning rod for this disorder of an argument, the every angled perfection argument that can only come out of the work of God, God of course being permitted to be perfectly on the nose and we can still call it an artist. "It's so ridiculous that anybody would ever write a character that cares about what happens to the world after they die. Not one person would ever care about the world after they die." "Not everyone is as self interested as you, mother." That one wasn't in my casual monotone, usually with her these things are in my casual monotone, I feel a little embarrassed for ever breaking with her the casual monotone. It devolved into "You need to let people have their opinions. You never let people have their opinions." Which, at this point I would like to address, is a criss crossing nonsense statement anywhere it is ever used, that is an off-communication that should not happen. It happens at people who express opinions at opinions and it's telling this person they are not permitted to have an opinion that could ever possibly be different than any other person's opinion. It's generally your opinion, the only person who is allowed to have any opinions. Only about one tenth of lack of perceptual filter bypass people would ever utter it, you've criss crossed your filters into nonsense and you live in ketamine communicative isolation space. It ended on her telling me she feels sorry for me for being such an angry person as to enjoy holding opinions that oppose opinions my life of darkness my life of darkness my life of sad angry darkness. Weird. Weird thoughts monster in a weird thoughts box of horror. Thoughts go straight to whatever you want BINGO. No way to let her out of her thoughts box of horror.
It did trigger "Get out of my house" though. I had to do some false validating to get her to calm down for a moment because I wasn't ready to get out of my father's house just yet but it was nice to finally trigger "Get out of my house." I wouldn't usually false validate, but, these things are hair trigger sensitive you have to treat them different. Also she owns the concept of educating everybody that looking inwards is the most difficult thing anybody could ever do ever, even you psychology nerds don't really see it I catch a lot of things about all of you that you're oblivious to but I'm pretty much the queen of people reading nobody can touch my people reading. After the false validating I was able to bring her to "Oh, everything you hate about me is everything I hate about myself." Well, close enough, but, no, you still have some aspects of yourself that you like, you still have some aspects of yourself that you find neutral. Things are a little more complicated than if it is a trait within the realm of happy things like warm and creative it is automatically good. No I don't hold a feminist grudge against women who want to be homemakers I just saw an opportunity. Any feminist who holds that grudge isn't doing feminism right, but generally neither are the homemakers who oppose it. You don't see a man doing that shit a man feminist isn't doing that shit.
After all the hard hammer down get the ever loving fuck out of your adult son's life, properly packaged in the manner that will be received into the happy ego centre, it really looked like it went all the way in there, the next day she managed to figure out how to get her brain to go "So what I want you to do now is make a list of all the things you want to do to acheive your independence. I'll help you sort it all out for you." Now I have to give her reality again, but I have to do it cute and charming, otherwise she says "Do you believe you're psychotic?" again and now I'm dealing with the potential destruction of humanity.
To make the happy ego centre happy. Who thinks everybody would be happier if the world ended with her. Do not give her any sort of God representation status, it all falls apart, even as a perfect representation of stupid nonsense she fucks it all up. No not by being smart, by being off perfect meaningless stupid that doesn't even say anything and it doesn't even not say anything in the correct God representation manner it's just a stupid weird little God blip. It has little moments of representation, you can rarely pull anything properly metaphorical out of them they just DUR you're the mother of Kit Carruthers.
A woman connected to The Society of Social Disturbance, (Monica), has this disorder, she pointed it out for me after reading about my mother and my aunt, she took it all the way to madness. Opened the doors for discovering all of these thought filtering disorders. Oh, my aunt, behind your back I basically called you a gossipy bitch with a false image that in some ways may well be designed to feed you potential gossip, but, you're a better person than my mother. At least you're capable of admitting to being the centre of the universe. You're isolating yourself, everybody you're fake to knows what you are behind their back, this is actually the opposite of how you gain people's friendship. See? It's always the opposite, you're always in opposite land. Everybody is calling you a gossipy bitch behind your back. Everyone. You were right. But you knew you didn't get to use that one, didn't you? You broke it. You broke your thoughts box of horror. You're a very witty person. (Monica) understands that in the future this genetic condition is going to become a bit of a problem, it presents itself more often than you'd think.