Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
PTSD is going to happen to you no matter how much of a tough guy you think you are, if you're shell shocked you're shell shocked, it means nothing about your ability to handle it. Certain events will hammer it into you no matter who you are. However, some people will receive PTSD over things they should not receive PTSD over. As a child, you're pretty much off the hook for whatever gave you PTSD. Pretty much. Not always. As an adult, if accidentally seeing a picture of a penis on the internet has given you PTSD everything about your mental framework is false.
If you have anxiety with PTSD you are likely to recieve panic disorder.
The societal myth is this is your curse for the rest of your life. Incorrect, it is easily solvable. First, you have to come to grips with the fact that you have to come to grips with it. You're still a tough guy, you got PTSD, no you do not have it in perspective as well as you think you do. You must follow the decompartmentalization process of putting everything in perspective, write it out or use EMDR. Once it's gone, you realize you're more of a man than ever, there's no such thing as threatening anymore. If you've made it through what you've made it through and managed to eventually hold it together nothing up to that point will ever threaten you, things beyond that point will only lightly threaten you. I'll never know what that is, I don't believe there's anything beyond that point.
PTSD will upgrade the strength of certain mental conditions and this will remain even after the resolve of PTSD, paranoid, as well as the disorders anxiety, bipolar and borderline. It will increase the desire to tweak out on your obsessive compulsive disorder which is very easy to follow all the way to turning the lights on and off exactly twenty three times every time you enter a room addiction and it can easily combine with paranoid or autism to become pattern recognition psychosis. Even not in the state of panic disorder, if it's clicked it's clicked, if you're having a moment you're still going to have a moment even if it isn't within full panic attack.
Now you're sunk, if your anxiety has clicked in any way, just... One of those big fat nothings like you know certain people being in the presence of certain other people is likely to lead to an argument that you would generally never care about in any way or even in any way notice you click your anxiety over a little. If it's clicked in any way, you've got no way out, it's only going to compound until you've hit panic attack, because you know that's what you do. It can go as far as the slight anxiety over "I hope I don't have a panic attack tonight." Then the realization that this is what you enjoy doing to yourself may well lead to three to five panic attacks a week.
My best example is from a poker game some five years ago. Generally, these are the moments I felt pretty safe from my panic disorder as I have the alcohol and I have the distracting social engagement. However, in the case of people who are new, and this isn't usually how I operate but in the state of panic disorder... I don't yet know how new people think I have no awareness of the potentiality for their ego games, lack of observational and comprehensional abilities, society mindsets and just how far they can go with these concepts, in this state of being the potential lowest limit within a new person is getting on the phone with a psychologist and having me locked in an institution. It started with... In the state of intense drunkenness as well as in the state of my panic disorder thinking, in my thirties after a life of intense drug abuse I would develop the habit of checking my crotch every hour or so to make sure I haven't pissed myself. I thought possibly maybe the guy beside me saw me do it, uh oh, tiniest spark of anxiety trigger, here we go. Maintain normal conversation, everybody thinks I'm a normal person who is sane, but what if they don't? What if I'm slipping? Did I slip? Was there a detectable 1% tremble in my voice? Did I pause one third of a second too long? I wonder if this person is thinking "I wonder if this guy has social anxiety disorder. I wonder if this guy is psychotic." Why does it do this? Why does the brain do this? Oh well, carry on with conversation, nobody needs to know I'm turning this person into the impossible paranoid psychosis. OKAY, no, I'm going to need to excuse myself if I want to have any hope of getting rid of this, I'm going to the bathroom. Here is where I learn my previous high end of medium paranoia has now clicked into high paranoia, psychosis, now I have the ability to hallucinate sober, or in this case drunk but that's still not supposed to happen. From the poker area I hear from the person who I suspected caught me checking my crotch "He didn't make it." ... Uh oh. ... ... ... ... Okay. Yes, very funny, yes that is what that guy would say, isn't it? Very funny. Alright, well, I'm fine. Go to the bathroom, come back, everything's cool I'm cool.
That example, by contrast, was about one third of maximum intensity. At it's most intense you enter dual layers of thinker. There is a thinker that runs somewhat automatically, thought racing thought looping, generally all it's doing is high speed listing all of the reasons you need to panic and everything that confirms the reasons to panic and everything that confirms the confirmations and everything that gives you an opportunity to release yourself from the panic and everything that confirms your ability to release yourself from the panic and everything that confirms the confirmations. You begin showing symptoms that very closely resemble a stroke, your heart rhythm goes all over the fucking place, way too slow way too fast detecting the rhythm of your pulse becomes entirely impossible. Generally the heart dysregulation and body numbness and partial paralysis enter into the thought loop and eventually become the entire thought loop. The second thinker is attempting to take hold of the first thinker and if you have enough powers attempting to maintain a normal train of thought and carry on, basically thinking "Did I just think that or was I planning to just think that? Am I thinking this now or was I just thinking this? Was that my thought or was that some other thought?"
With panic disorder, now, you don't need to do this, you can just get rid of it, but, technically with panic disorder, if you master your mind you can casually carry on with day to day life in the middle of an intense heart dysregulating left side of body numbing dual layers of thinker thought looping nightmare. You require natural perceptual filter bypass, sociopath, high nervous energy, a lot of brain power and familiarity with the panic attack. Schizoid helps, low level of temperament helps, however the real winner is of course deep emotional repression and processing dysregulation. If you are fully within the awareness at a semi conscious level that what you are experiencing is false, even if your conscious mind drifts into possibly true every now and then you can maintain short bursts of conversation without revealing to anybody that you are in the middle of the deepest of internal crisis. You can even autopilot your way through extended conversation, basically entirely oblivious to what's coming out of your mouth, all you need to maintain is the conscious awareness of the topic of conversation and the sub-topic within the topic, but it can be tricky you really need to hammer yourself into the awareness of the sub-topic and if the entire topic changes you need to completely reassess and take a pause and hope nobody can detect your tremble. But, you know you need to escape, you're still planning your escape.
I didn't literally do the turning the lights on and off exactly twenty three times every time you enter a room addiction but it-it was basically that. I did literally do pattern recognition psychosis. I didn't want either of them I didn't like them, I was entirely locked in I was left with no choice. All of my proper synchronicity pattern recognition was established before I went doing this to myself after filtering out everything I deemed psychotic and leaving one particular thing that I can only blur at I can't grasp it enough to confirm it, Dane Marshell saw it as well when he started marbles tweaking on what's underneath 11:11 as a young man as well and he can't grasp it either. Everything I did within pattern recognition psychosis is a bunch of nonsense it was a deliberate move to drive myself into horror and confirm everything I fear, leave myself an ounce of hope knowing my next move is take it away and fortify it. Maybe every now and then I'll be able to find a nice little place in my I can't trust anything bottom out and maintain cute conversation with my soul mates about it. Oh wait hold on a second this is real this is actually real, sorry. My brain doesn't seem to want to revisit the suicide idea anymore though. No that one's not working. Did that sound cool psychotic? It was demented psychotic.
I had an excuse as to why my head was not on straight enough to realize I did not have this properly decompartmentalized, something locking my thoughts. Something telling me not to fight.